Roxanne

Roxanne sat quietly sipping her coffee while sitting on the kitchen window seat of her best friend Leslie's home. The home was located on beautiful Lake Amston in the small town of Lebanon Conneticut. Miles from her home in Austin Tx....this was Roxanne's place to escape when life seemed overwhelming. As luck would have it, her best friend of 40 years... was away in London England doing research for a book she was writing. She had phoned Roxanne about two weeks before her trip to see if she would be interested in house sitting... Roxanne, of course  said yes and her being a freelance writer would make it easy to  take her work with her.


 It was fall and the trees were beautiful colors of gold, orange and brown and the area surrounding Leslie's home was eerily quiet. The town, busy during the summer season, was now mostly empty of tourists, this suited Roxanne completely...she could focus on her writing. She had recently been contacted by a popular psychology magazine and asked to do a piece on marriage relationship. Being a graduate from Baylor Universtiy and her degree being in Psychology with the emphsis being on marriage and family....having done private marriage counseling with a well known counseling center in Texas....she felt more than qualified. But if people knew of her personal life, they may never want to read her words.


It's amazing how easily it is to give advice to others and not able to live it yourself. God knows she had tried, but everytime she found herself in a relationship it ended terribly. Her first marriage lasted for ten years and then she had found that her ex was having an affair with his high school girlfriend. When she confronted him with her knowledge of the affair, he blamed her for his straying. She did not fight, but filed for divorce and it was done. When the divorce was final...it was strange but she felt nothing...just empty and angry for having lost ten years of her life. Roxanne really believed she had not been in love to begin with. She believed two lonely and sad souls met, dated and married because it was what was expected. Two years later she met Tom and fell head over heels. There were love letters, flowers, music and dancing and then a very romantic wedding and a week long honeymoon in  Aruba. That marriage lasted three years and then came the knowledge of his affair with his ex wife, whom he had swore was satan's angel. When the divorce was final, she decided no more marriage.

She had spent the last two years healing...taking time for herself...getting to know who she was and what she wanted. It was amazing that Roxanne had come as far as she had with her career. Through two failed marriages, she had worked part time jobs and gotten her Masters Degree in Psychology. There had never been never been children and looking back she was glad there hadn't.  There were times when she had wanted them but in both marriages she and her spouses were both just to busy.

Roxanne looked up at the clock on the wall and an hour had already passed. She had finished her coffee and had eaten a doughnut and all while looking out at the water and daydreaming. God it was absolutely beautiful here...but she must get to her writing. She would shower first, get dressed, make the bed and then to work.

'

What Can Be Done With the Broken Pieces?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXwtiueYxHc&feature=player_detailpage 

Lyrics:

She's crying out tonight
She can't do this anymore
The pieces that won't fit
Have her shaken to the core

She's been hiding from the truth
She's tried so hard to escape
'Til there's nothing left to lose
'Til there's nothing left to fake

Another smile, another day
She gives herself away
Cause "pretty is as pretty does"
And pretty will not fuss

She did everything she could
To hide away the pain
To keep her house
The way her mama told her to
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
Oh how will she explain?
What do you do with a million pieces?


She's finally seen the light
That He loves broken things
So, let all the pieces fall
And see what that freedom brings

Another smile, another day
And "pretty does" just walks away
The woman she's becoming
Is the one that's real

She did everything she could
To hide away the pain
To keep her house
The way her mama told her to, but
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
Oh how will she explain?
What do you do with a million pieces?

I know the plans I have for you
Is such a sweet refrain

She did everything she could
To hide away the pain
To keep her house
The way her mama told her to but
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
This heart won't be contained
What do you do with the broken places?

Susan Ashton discusses a life changing moment!
http://youtu.be/sr6L_vaQ42s

I listened to Susan's testimony of her life changing moment and the tears began to well up. I could completely identify. I was there once. God began to call me back to him....I stood before him with a life that was broken into a million pieces. I had made mistakes....hurt people that I cared about.

Over a life time I had become a very bitter and angry person....The bitterness and anger built up inside me and became like a simmering volcano. One day it all exploded. I became a person that I said I would never be. I did things I said I would never do. Depression, anger, bitterness, rejection can be a dangerous concoction.

I remember sitting in a heap on the floor....crying and crying and crying. I said "GOD HELP ME!" It has taken time, but HE is slowly, one piece at a time putting me back together....This time it will be the right way. I am not trying to be perfect on my own....I can't! I am just being the best version of me I can with HIS help.

It is time to be real, honest and open and Father God says it is time to share....so here I am.

My hope is that something I share in this blog or ones I share in the future...will bless and help you!

Open Before The Lord!  Donna

My Solid Rock

"My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but only lean on Jesus' name. On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand."


We sang this old hymn this morning, in church and it was as if something washed over me and I wanted to yell out loud....."THIS IS IT PEOPLE!" If your life is not built on Jesus Christ and him alone....you are in trouble. I have put my trust in people so much of my life to only be let down. People are human...flesh and bone and are not meant to hold us up when we are falling apart.


He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken. Psalm 62:6...This is one of many scriptures that the Psalmist David and other had to say about Father God being our lean to.  I have to say "Yes David....He is my rock, salvation and stronghold....I would have dead by now if I did not have The Father, Son and Holy Spirit on my side.


I would say to you my friend....if you are not placing your hope and trust in God and Him alone...run don't walk to the Father. He is waiting for you!                                                                           

 "Todo lo puedo in Cristo que me fortalace!"

A Time For Reflection

Sitting here tonight thinking about the beginning of a new year. I'll just admit...I am scared. I have looked back over the last year and my thought was what have I really accomplished..... Hmmm...let me think.....There has been progress with hubby and I in the area of finances....A good thing. I am a stepmom and I have seen ups and downs there, but more ups. In the area of marriage, there have been ups and downs there as well...times when I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but because of Love we overcame. I am learning that in marriage there should always be growth, if not you are in trouble. I have learned something I should have learned a long time ago that Trust In God Is Key To Everythng. When you put your trust in people, they let you down....When you put your trust in money it disappears. A job... well you can lose it. God's love never fades, fails or lets you down. When I have felt at my lowest and I've prayed, I have sensed God's prescence. I am beginning to believe that "fear" has been my biggest enemy...all of my life but specifically this year. This one thing I know that your dreams and visions have to be bigger than the fear that holds you back. I am determined as the song says "to hold out to the end". That same song goes on to say "Jesus is with me on Him I can depend...I know I have salvation for I feel it in my soul....I am determined to hold out to the end!" That determination...with God's help will carry me through. My wish for this year is to become a healthier individual...physically, mentally and spiritually....let go of the fear and hold on to the FAITH.

Hmmm... perhaps last year wasn't so bad! Well, If things were actually accomplished last year.....I am determined this year will be even better. Time to get up and get going!

When You Are All Wrung Out

Isn’t it easy to neglect ourselves to meet the needs of everyone around us, and call it self-sacrifice? It sounds godly. But in doing so we risk shutting down a place in our soul where God’s dreams and gifts are waiting to be revealed. The truth is: you and I were not designed to be whom others expect us to be, or even want us to be. We were created to become all that God planned for us to be."
Renee Swope


Well good day my friends....This blog comes from an article I read recently. The title is "Look Out For Overload, Know Your Capacity".  It was written by Jane Rubietta. I like this lady....I could be friends with her. She starts out her article talking about this awful screeching noise she hears coming from her basement. She says she ran down the stairs and all she could smell was the scent of burnt rubber and smoke filling the air. It was the washing machine. She opens the lid of the machine and says she found at least 25 pounds of teenage jeans, sheets, and towels. Apparently the machine had been overloaded one to many times and it had worn out the bearings and the belt had slipped off. Ouch! She says her children had broken all the rules. She also says and I agree that she loves the idea of the manufacturer setting practical and knowable limits to the appliance and we should know how many items our machine can handle and stay within that limit. Jane says too that she had thought of setting a scale next to the washing machine.

Now Ms. Jane goes on in the article to compare the washing machine to our bodies and minds. This is where it hit home to me. We as christian women do not know sometimes how to use the word No. If someone ask us to do something we feel obligated to say yes, no matter how we may be may feeling physically or mentally. Now what compels us to do this? Why aren't we Christians? Isn't that the christian thing to do? In the article Jane talks about the "load limits" that the creator of the universe puts on our minds and bodies. We were created to do only so much and Father God knows exactly what we can handle. When we exceed our "load limits" our bodies and minds can break down. When this happens we, on the light end, can and do become grumpy, irritable and just plain mean. Now if this behavior continues, our bodies and minds begin to break down and fall apart. Depression, heart attacks, strokes can happen.

Now let's talk about how to keep this breakdown from happening to our "wonderful machine". Our maker, creator God created each one of us to be unique. Not one of us is created exactly like the other. My neighbor Ms. Martha may be able to wake up in the morning get the husband and children off to work and school, clean the whole house, go out and work in the garden, come in and can tomatoes and then prepare for everyone to come home. She then greets the children and husband at the door, gets the children started on homework, answers phone calls from her group leader at church, prepares dinner and finishes her day by greeting her husband in the boudoir showered and smelling sweet. I know ladies like this. Oh my gosh...I want to say. I am not Martha. If I were to try and do what she does, I would break down. My creator did not make my machine to handle the same load amount. Well how do we know what we should and should not be doing? That my friend is where prayer and meditation on God's word comes in. The Creator did give us a owner's manual and yes the Bible would be said manual. When I read the owner's manual and pray to my Maker and ask him to guide me, he is faithful and will do so.

My friends I want to encourage you to find time to get alone with your creator and talk to him...he is listening and will speak to you if you will listen. He knows you better than you know yourself.  The noises and voices of this world will try and tell you how and what you should do. Be careful about giving in to those things. They can and will wear your body and mind out.

The following are some scriptures that you might study and meditate on.....

Eph. 5:15-17 Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, 16making the most of your time, because the days are evil. 17So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Col. 1:9  So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Letting It Go! (What I Chose To Do With This Anger)

OK what is on my mind today....I think that it is probably what is on the mind of pretty much the rest of the nation, The case of Casey Anthony. I believe it will be one of those cases that years from now when someone ask you, you could probably remember your exact location when you heard the verdict. I can tell you that when the verdict (not guilty) was announced yesterday (July 6th, 2011), it made my blood boil. According to my facebook friends, their blood was boiling as well.

Now let's address the anger that everyone is feeling. I can only speak for myself, but my anger came from feeling that there was no justice done for this beautiful two year old little girl that died. Here a mother, young but still a mother's little girl is missing for approximately thirty days. There is no report to the police of the child missing and this young mother is out partying her tail off. Hmmm something doesn't seem right about that. To add insult to injury, when ask where there child is by her mom, dad, police....she continually lies. Now based on all of this information, one might be led to believe that this young mom had something to do with this child's disappearance and then when the body was finally discovered....her death as well. I listened to the news like everyone else, and so much of what was reported seemed to all point to Casey causing this death. So now one can see why I like everyone else was so angry when the verdict in this case against Casey Anthony came back "not guilty". She was found not guilty on all counts except four of which were lying to the police.

My first reaction was what were the people (the jurors) thinking. I thought what idiots. After I have had a day to listen to somethings that have been brought out now that the trial is over, I can see why the jurors did what they did. I am still not happy about the outcome, but I can let the jury off the hook. They had little physical evidence to work with. The prosecutors did not bring much to the table, but circumstantial evidence. They (the jury) were told that if they came back with a guilty verdict (the death penalty) that it had to be beyond a reasonable doubt. The defense team seemed to tear the prosecutions presentation apart. The defense was right, there was no physical evidence linking Casey Anthony to the crime. Without said evidence the prosecution did not have much of a case. They could prove that Casey was a habitual liar, a bad mother and just did not seem to care what had happened to her daughter. Given all of these things I can now see why the jury came back with the verdict they did.

Now what do I do with this anger I am feeling. As a christian, I began to pray. My prayer was "Father God help me let this anger go. I give it to you. You are the great vindicator and you will take care of it all." I know that this little girl is in heaven where there is no pain, no sorrow and no family drama and that is why I choose to let it rest at the feet of my heavenly Father. I, as well as the rest of the nation will never forget this beautiful little girl, Kaylie Marie Anthony, but I can just imagine her running through a field of daisies and chasing butterflies in heaven.

Thank you Father God for taking care of all things!!!!

Stop Stuffing Your Stuff!

This blog comes from a new time in my life. I have been given a wake up call from my doctor. I just found out that my thyroid levels are off, thus causing all kinds of problems with my body. Fortunately the doctors can give meds for this to bring my thyroid back into shape.  I am having pain in the location of my gall bladder. I had an ultrasound done on it and they found no gallstones, but are referring me to a  G I doctor...Gastrointestinal doctor. They now want  to look further into the gall bladder to see if there may be bile in this organ or anything else. In order to do this, they may be doing a nuclear test. Shoot by the time they get through with me I may glow in the dark. Perhaps a possible way to make money to pay for my portion of the bill. Then there is dental work that has to be done and my gyno has found a cyst on my ovary and I have cervical issues. I tell people that the warranty on my body has expired and I now am falling apart.

Now let's explore what I believe has contributed, if not completely caused these medical issues. That would be STRESS. One might ask "Do you mean stress can cause all of these problems?" You bet your booty it can. I was reading an online article about stress, let me share a bit of it with you.


Effects of chronic stress

The body doesn’t distinguish between physical and psychological threats. When you’re stressed over a busy schedule, an argument with a friend, a traffic jam, or a mountain of bills, your body reacts just as strongly as if you were facing a life-or-death situation. If you have a lot of responsibilities and worries, your emergency stress response may be “on” most of the time. The more your body’s stress system is activated, the easier it is to trip and the harder it is to shut off.

Long-term exposure to stress can lead to serious health problems. Chronic stress disrupts nearly every system in your body. It can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, contribute to infertility, and speed up the aging process. Long-term stress can even rewire the brain, leaving you more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.

Many health problems are caused or exacerbated by stress, including:

Pain of any kind

Heart disease


Digestive problems


Sleep problems


Depression


Obesity


Autoimmune diseases


Skin conditions, such as eczema

Borrowed from Helpguide.org


Now let me share what I believe, in my case, was the cause of most of my stress and the reason for the title of this blog. It is what I like to call  "STUFFING".  I do not mean the food type, although enough of that can cause problems of its own. My idea of stuffing is when I have faced problems, specifically those of a human kind and instead of confronting the situation with the human...I would pretend it wasn't that bad, blow it off and go on.....In other words stuffing down the problem . This went on for years...I ended up divorced after sixteen years of marriage, having a nervous breakdown thus causing me to act and behave in ways I never believed I would. I became a very angry nervous person. I did not like myself.  Now I find my body falling apart.

I am sharing these things with you in hopes after reading this, if you have not done so already,  you will take control of your life. You do not have to be afraid of confrontation. Confronting someone or something can be done in love and can be the most liberating and freeing thing to happen to you. I choose to ask Creator God for guidance everyday. I have asked him to bring the right people into my path that would began to speak life to me....to encourage me, and he has not failed me there. I continue to look forward to  becoming healthy mentally, physically and spiritually. One of my favorite scriptures is "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" Oh yes I can! 

My friend do not stuff your problems, push your problems aside and pretend they do not exist. Only trouble can come from this. I encourage you to run to Father God and ask him for guidance. He is a faithful friend and will begin to open your eyes and show you the areas of your life that need to be addressed. I can not promise you that it will not be painful, but I can tell you that if you will listen, God will get you through these things and this time in your life. You will come out better on the other side.