Forgiveness

When I started this blog on the evening of January 1st, I thought it would be on one subject. Then I began talking with my husband and realized that something else was on my mind. Let me start from the beginning...I was on a visit with family and listened to different ones talking about different people. I heard so much judgement coming from the conversations....I even caught myself getting caught up in it....I hate it when they judge me and I am the topic of conversation, but it was easy to talk about others. When I realized what was going on, I became angry at these people; angry at myself.

I was getting ready for bed that evening and began a conversation with my husband. I shared with him how angry I was at all the judgement that had happened during those family conversations and that how I felt so judged by family....It was then God began revealing, though yes judgement on others is wrong and it breaks his heart, there was something else going on in my heart and something he wanted to me to address.

As I got into bed and turned on my computer, I began looking up music on you tube. The music of Susan Ashton was on my mind and there were a couple of songs of hers that stood out about judgement, but there was one that I came across and it would not leave me alone and it wasn't about judgement at all, It was about FORGIVENESS. OUCH!!!! That voice in my head was saying pay attention this is what is really eating at you.... TEARS, TEARS, and more TEARS.

I began talking to God....The conversation went something like this.... (Donna) God, I know you want me to forgive and I do want to, but the hurt is so real. How do I just let it go? (God) Donna, do you love me? (Donna) Yes Father I love you with all of my heart.... (God) Then TRUST ME! Lay all of the hurt, anger, disappointment at my feet and JUST TRUST! It will all be taken care of....TRUST!

Now it is January 16th and I am finally finishing this blog. Have I learned anymore about forgiveness...um probably not....I just know in order to get forgiveness, I must give it. I also know that when you choose to forgive, you are not letting those that hurt you off the hook, but you are giving yourself permission to move on with your life. You are cutting those ties that bind you, loose. In my case I felt as if God handed me a large pair of scissors and said the rest is up to you kid. You can stay bound or you can go free. Today I choose freedom and it feels good!